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Aug. 11th, 2004

Oh, last night ...

Last night was complicated and difficult and necessary.

Had a long, emotional conversation. It started out being about one thing -- well, several things, really -- and digressed into all sorts of pent up pain and anguish about childhood stuff, family stuff ...

I'm sleep depping, caffeinated, smoking (I know, I know) and probably a little bit hungover as well.

At 6 am I tried to call my ex in France. Got the voicemail. By 8 I was at Quiet Storm, drinking coffee and bumming cigarettes.

I pondered trying to sleep again in the aftermath ... tried for about 5 minutes, then gave up. Tonight I'll crash. HARD.

See, the thing is ... it's like ... well, crap. Like one of those situations where you KNOW how things are and how things need to be, but ... Ah, but.

Yea. I've obviously been angsty. I started crying yesterday afternoon and by midnight, I was sobbing and banging my head and reduced to the psychotic little teenager that I used to be, unable to lose ... "to lose"? Oh, I don't know.

We're all afraid. We are.

This post doesn't make any sense.

See bishopjoey? I toldja so.

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