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And the word of the day is "angst."

For a once I'm actually going to copy down what I was writing in my actual paper journal and post it online.

I think it is safe to say that I'm sliding off of my trolley tracks. Nevertheless, here goes:

"...Why do the midsections of my journals always seem to be filled with angst? Why do I usually feel like I'm relegated to the periphery of things? Why is Sarah pregnant and not me? Why, for that matter, is [woman with a secret pregnancy that she wants to remain a secret] pregnant but not me? Why hasn't Mac called me back to the Co-op for a second interview? Why do I look so godawful unattractive? Why is it so hard for people to connect?"

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
puuj
Jun. 8th, 2004 10:43 am (UTC)
You have my birthday.
hopita
Jun. 8th, 2004 01:08 pm (UTC)
You live in my city too.
ratphooey
Jun. 8th, 2004 12:24 pm (UTC)
I used to look at other people's lives and think, man, they have it all together. What's the matter with me?

Somewhere along the line I realized that I was functioning as a supporting player in my own damn life. Once I figured that out, I felt better already, and then it was easier to make changes. Changed cities, changed jobs, changed my outlook.

1. What about your life would you like to change?
2. How can you start making those changes?
immoralusername
Jun. 8th, 2004 02:33 pm (UTC)
heya Mrs. Rat
Wow. I liked this answer & was surprised it was you (not your kind of icon)

yeah, there's all that stuff about "geographics" in AA/12 - step & I think Antiochians live out "everywhere ya go, there you are!" but so much is, yeah, not being an unpaid extra cast in one's own life.

(and learning life skills, which is rather boring but gets ya out of de swamp)
ratphooey
Jun. 8th, 2004 02:38 pm (UTC)
Re: heya Mrs. Rat
I like your new moniker!

Life skills are good.
immoralusername
Jun. 8th, 2004 02:42 pm (UTC)
Re: heya Mrs. Rat
Sword in the stone & all that LOL

just stole a quiz from your LJ

Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"

Domination
You are most comfortable when in control. Having someone at your beck and call makes you hot. You can be very demanding, and expect perfection! In the bedroom, you take charge. Your motto is It's My way or the highway!
ratphooey
Jun. 8th, 2004 02:43 pm (UTC)
Re: heya Mrs. Rat
Heh.
suewan
Jun. 9th, 2004 04:15 pm (UTC)
Heya, Hope!
Personally, I find it easier to write when I'm down. It is my way of getting out that negative energy. Lately, I've been incredibly content...hence lacking journal entries. A secret pregnancy? How do people do that? Once I got over the shock and admitted I was pregnant...I think I told everyone I knew. You are certainly NOT unattractive!! Hope, we all compare ourselves to other people. It's human nature. But, heck life was never meant to be fair. What a crap answer...
hopita
Jun. 10th, 2004 07:21 am (UTC)
Re: Heya, Hope!
It sounds like she's decided to give up the baby for adoption. Hence, the secret.
suewan
Jun. 10th, 2004 09:48 am (UTC)
Re: Heya, Hope!
Wow. I always admire people's courage with faced with such a big decision. I do admire people for making that decision as it is obviously not an easy decision to make. I know if I got pregnant with Ewan at another point in my life, it would have been a different story than having the child that I have today...
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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