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Vampire Hanuka.

Yesterday afternoon I (finally!) attended my new member orientation for Park Slope Food Co-op. It was over by around 6:00 pm, but I wasn't meeting aaronbenedict until around 8:00 for the Steelers game (go Steelers! Woo!), so I had some time to kill in the neighborhood.

While walking toward the bar, I passed a Barnes & Noble. I'd been looking for a 2011 datebook, and since I had the time, I figured I'd stop in and see what they had in stock. I'd never been to this particular Barnes & Noble before, and I took a wrong turn on my way to the calendars. Pretty soon I found myself in the "Teen Paranormal Romance" section. I was immediately approached by a Lubavitcher lady, intent on Jewing me up.

Transcript of our conversation (as told to sabotabby):

HER: Can I ask you a question?
ME: Sure.
HER: Are you Jewish?
ME: Yes.
HER: Do you need a menorah?
ME: No.
HER: Have you lit the menorah?
ME: Not tonight.
HER: Do you need candles?
ME: No.
HER: Oh, well can I give you [some religious tract -- I forget what it was called]?
ME: No.
HER: How about [something featuring the word "Moshiach"]?
ME: No.
HER: A [some other piece of religious dreck], then?
ME: No.
HER: Oh, well, OK.

I can't decide which I think is more odd: That there is such a thing as the "Teen Paranormal Romance" section, or that that's where the Lubavitcher ladies troll for converts.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 6th, 2010 09:16 pm (UTC)
Well, obviously Jewish vampires can't be repelled by a cross or Christian holy water!

This reminds me of a conversation I had last year with a young man who was part of the crew that drives the Hanukkah truck and shouts "Happy Hanukkah" at everyone downtown. I don't know what specific sect they are. That's cool, but this was just odd.

HIM: Are you Jewish?
ME: No.
HIM: Are you sure?
ME: Um...yes.
HIM: *looks at me sideways, walks away looking unconvinced.*
ME: ??

Now, I suppose it's possible that there were some 16th-century Portuguese crypto-Jews on my Brazilian side, but really, is that enough to set off someone's Jewdar? If anything, I would think I "look" Catholic!
Dec. 6th, 2010 10:06 pm (UTC)
Yea, those would be the Lubavitchers, AKA Chabad. The long story short is that because of the Jewish prohibition on proselytizing, we're/they're not allowed to try to convert non-Jews. Instead they channel all of that religious fervor into trying to make Jews more Jewish. I'm sure he assumed that when you said you weren't Jewish you were lying to try to block his efforts to Jew you up. If only you'd just admitted your Jewishness, he could have stuffed your hands full of literature.
Dec. 7th, 2010 12:38 am (UTC)
Jewish vampires are however repelled by a Star of David :)
Dec. 6th, 2010 10:32 pm (UTC)
Aren't paranormal romance vampires Mormon?
Dec. 6th, 2010 10:34 pm (UTC)
Oy vey!
Dec. 7th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
I love the title of this post. Love. Love. Love.
Dec. 24th, 2012 05:12 am (UTC)
Two years later, my friend Al sez:
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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