I was doing marginally OK with not smoking ... I think it had been about a week. Anyhow, then I went out drinking with a smoker on Friday, and drinking led to bumming a smoked which led to buying a pack. But then those were gone and I made it through about 48 hours, until now.
I think yesterday it started to really hit me that this hearing is soon. That this hearing has the potential to be really unpleasant. That my heart is going to be broken all over again (or, more to the point, that it never really healed).
So I went and bought another pack. Bad, bad idea. But I also know that beating myself up about it is futile at best. I'm trying to keep the monologue inside my head filled with kind words ...
I'm freaking out. A little. Maybe. I think.
