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Bob, smoking, and stress

Where to begin ...

I was doing marginally OK with not smoking ... I think it had been about a week. Anyhow, then I went out drinking with a smoker on Friday, and drinking led to bumming a smoked which led to buying a pack. But then those were gone and I made it through about 48 hours, until now.

I think yesterday it started to really hit me that this hearing is soon. That this hearing has the potential to be really unpleasant. That my heart is going to be broken all over again (or, more to the point, that it never really healed).

So I went and bought another pack. Bad, bad idea. But I also know that beating myself up about it is futile at best. I'm trying to keep the monologue inside my head filled with kind words ...

I'm freaking out. A little. Maybe. I think.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
beautifulday72
Mar. 8th, 2004 04:47 pm (UTC)
Be kind to yourself. It's ok. This is a really rough time, and you're doing your best. :)

At the risk of sounding like an enabler, and notwithstanding the fact that smoking is always destructive, no matter how little one smokes:

I've been an on-and-off smoker for a number of years (mercifully I've never felt like it was an addiction or compulsion). Last summer, when I was studying for the bar exam, I made a conscious decision to take up smoking to relieve stress. Weird, but true. I was hoping that it would help keep me from my compulsive emotional eating, which it didn't, but it took the edge off in other ways. And since I had made the decision that my smoking would be limited in time and scope, I had ownership over it, which made it a lot easier to stop afterward.

I don't know whether this helps any, but for what it's worth, I agree that beating yourself up is futile at best. Smoking is by far the least of many other evils, and you will stop smoking again.
hopita
Mar. 9th, 2004 03:57 pm (UTC)
Just got home from buying cigarettes and cookies. In the grand scheme of things, I do realize that this is better than buying heroin and cocaine.
beautifulday72
Mar. 9th, 2004 04:08 pm (UTC)
Without a doubt.

Keep us posted on how you are - we're here to help in whatever way we can.
ratphooey
Mar. 8th, 2004 04:55 pm (UTC)
Hang in. Take deep breaths (and not just when you're smoking).
(Anonymous)
Mar. 10th, 2004 10:00 am (UTC)
I'll give you cookies
Hope,

Sorry to hear you'e smoking again. You *can* quit. As a matter of fact, you were one of several quitters that helped me decide I was ready to quit.

I'm doing a *lot* for baking at home these days instead of smoking. I have *tons* of cookies (and bread, etc). Made biscotti this morning. Chocolate cookies and fudge tommorrow. Come get some. They're homeade, and free.

--Alan
suewan
Mar. 11th, 2004 01:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Hope, don't beat yourself up!
Hope, giving up smoking is so hard. I started smoking foolishly again after getting post-natal depression. I need a crutch of some description to get me through that hell! So, please don't beat yourself up! There's far worse things, trust me. And I haven't smoked for nearly 5 years now! I just woke up one day and quit. Now, is probably not the best time to quit...
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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