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We buried Bob today. It was unbelievably horrible. I can still hear his mother's anguished sobs in my head.

After I got back to Pittsburgh I went to Quiet Storm for some food. Jordan and Peezy were there, and I got a chance to talk with each of them for a little while, which was especially good because with everything that's been going on, I kind of missed the fact that they're leaving town tomorrow, and will be gone for the entire month.

Jordan and I were talking about death, and accidents, and I was looking at his hands, at his face, and just thinking how incredibly fragile we all are. Watching him, and Peezy, and Eric, and thinking how any or all of them could be gone in an instant. Feeling thankful for having that moment to sit there with them.

I kissed them both on the head, and told them to drive carefully.

I feel like I'm just spouting a bunch of cliches.

And I've been smoking again today. Tomorrow is a new day - a new month, in fact - and I'll wrestle with some of my own demons then, but the catchphrase of the week has been "all bets are off."

Bob really was a very loving guy. I remember once we were having a fight and while I was sitting there yelling at him, he grabbed a post it note and an orange marker and wrote "I Love You" on it. I suspect at the time it probably made me angrier, but now it strikes me as just the quirky sort of thing that made him so wonderful.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
x355955
Jan. 31st, 2004 04:23 pm (UTC)
*hug* sorry...

death has been bothering me for awhile; not death itself, more the process of dying. I'm terrified of dying. Being dead on the other hand, shouldn't be too bad. Heh.

When we buried Jordan back in november, it was a jewish burial. All the attendees threw a shovelful of dirt into the grave.

I didn't accept it till I heard that thump.

Sorry you lost someone you love, it always hurts. Too many damn fine people have been dying lately. It's time we all took notice of the wonderful people around us, and never miss a chance to say I love you to those we care about.

I love you, for reading my journal, not mocking my dumbassery, and always having something totally awesome to comment with. :-D

-Chuck
hopita
Feb. 2nd, 2004 07:37 pm (UTC)
Re:
Reading your journal entries from that time (I don't think I knew you yet), it sounds as though Jordan's death was equally sudden and awful. I'm so sorry.

My Mother says Jewish funerals do it right because you don't view the body. I think both ways are equally horrible. I feel like I will now forever have the awful image of Bob's lifeless body and expressionless face tattooed in my mind, but what was the alternative? To never see him again? To never have that finality that comes from seeing that yes, he is really, definitely, dead?

This reply is not going where I meant for it to go.
bishopjoey
Jan. 31st, 2004 04:48 pm (UTC)
I was sorry to hear about this - I'm sorry for not replying to your instant message when it happened - I was in conference and then bogged. (Bad friend)

I know it's hard, but be good to you right now. *Prague Hugs*
(Anonymous)
Feb. 3rd, 2004 05:32 am (UTC)
-Janeka- (you dont know me, its ok)
:( Im sorry for your loss.... :(
hopita
Feb. 5th, 2004 06:02 am (UTC)
I find it obscene and unconscionable that someone posted a reply that was basically religious spam to my comments about Bob's funeral.

Whoever you are, I have deleted your comments. And you should be ashamed of yourself.
suewan
Feb. 5th, 2004 02:29 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow. That's awful, Hope.
Hope, I am sorry about that. I would hate that if I was in your position. I am awfully sorry about Bob's death. It's awful to lose someone, a bit scary that it wasn't too long ago when I was writing in my LJ about some of my friends' deaths in the not too distant past.
(Anonymous)
Feb. 6th, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC)
from sarah
hey hope and hi to susan too i see...
i just wanted you to know i'm sending ou love. hope you can feel some of it.
love
sarah w.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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