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( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
m00nshadow
Jan. 28th, 2004 05:57 pm (UTC)
Crazy...
Wow Hope, that's horrible. I take it you knew him. Can you tell us about him? What was he like? Maybe writing about him will help you say goodbye (I know that has been helpful for me in instances like this).
hopita
Jan. 29th, 2004 05:44 am (UTC)
Some journal entries I'd written about him
Here are some journal entries I'd written about Bob in the past. Most are not exactly flattering. We had a very complex relationship for a number of reasons, most of which had everything to do with drugs.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/hopita/11021.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/hopita/15140.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/hopita/19230.html
(Anonymous)
Jan. 29th, 2004 08:19 am (UTC)
Re: Some journal entries I'd written about him
Oh... That Bob...
(Anonymous)
Jan. 29th, 2004 08:19 am (UTC)
Re: Some journal entries I'd written about him
Oops.
Fogot to sign ... again.

--Alan
hopita
Jan. 29th, 2004 08:57 am (UTC)
Re: Some journal entries I'd written about him
I don't know that you meant that comment the way that I heard that comment, so let me say this:

I don't mean to be flippant by linking the above posts. I'm not trying to say that he was a bad person, or that I didn't love him deeply, but rather to give a context for our complex relationship.

Bob and I did a lot of drugs together. A LOT of drugs. We spent all of our time together during a very rough patch of my life. There were terrible, terrible rows, and many tears. But Bob would also say and do some very sweet things, and, when talking to some of the people who were with him in recent months, it seems plain that I held a special place in his heart, as he did in mine.

Among other things, I am struggling with the comingled feelings of greif and relief that come when someone has died after a long illness. Bob was in a great deal of emotional pain and managed this pain with drugs. There is a sense that "it was only a matter of time," though I never expected him to die in such a horrible, public way.

Yes, Alan, it was that Bob.
(Anonymous)
Jan. 29th, 2004 08:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Some journal entries I'd written about him
Hope,

I didn't mean it in a derrogatory manner. It just came out wrong. Please pardon me whilst I remove both of my steel toed leather work shoes from my mouth. I apologise for any misunderstanding, and I meant what I said in my earlier comment (at or near the bottom).

While I was working at the CrossRoads on Baum Blvd in the mid nineties (before BP, but concurrent with Giant Eagle), I ran into a old friend from High School named Bill. Bill and his brother, Demitrius both went to school with me at McKee (they were also friends of Gregg Mairs), so I enquired about his brother. He told me that his brother was either stoned or tripping one night and fell off of a bridge and died some years back. While neither of us were lovers, I know from where you speak.

I know you don't remember much (if anything) from when we were dating (it's *really* no big deal. I was such an ass back then - not worth remembering), but I do, and you hold a very special place in my heart as well. Even though I'm married (and very much in love with Melody) and have children, there's a part of me that will always love you. You have that effect on people. Ask any other ex-partner.

Again, my deepest, deepest sympathies. I'll be home Friday morning and Saturday night if you want an extra ear.

--Alan
khaosinc
Jan. 28th, 2004 11:07 pm (UTC)
Hey hope... sorry I wasn't home for your calls..

Work/school etc..

will be home late tommorow if you wanna call, if you are asleep, I didn't wanna wake you up so I haven't called you at 2 am (your time)
(Anonymous)
Jan. 29th, 2004 05:39 am (UTC)
Deepest Sympathies
Hope,

My deepest sympathies for your loss. It strikes me close to home both geographically and the fact that I am a cyclist commuter. I hope they throw the book at the driver - not that it will bring your friend back.

--Alan
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