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Mazdas, Mazdas everywhere

Ah yes. Another afternoon at Quiet Storm. There are definitely worse things. And anyway, Matthu was making noises yesterday about letting me read an old project of his, so I'm hoping he brings it with him today. I'm quite curious to see what his writing is like.

The pool was crappy (a dozen screaming kids; I got out when they accidentally held me under water). The doctor was crappy (more on that later ... maybe). And I started the day with an email that was either reassuring or else a big ol' kiss off ... but then I had kind of a respite of a lunch ... reminded myself that I didn't want to play this stupid game anymore ... that that was the fucking point. I always had to be right. I don't need to be right anymore. Nobody is "right." None of this is "right." And once I lose the need to be right, then I stop fighting. It was a nice realization. Letting go of the need to be right means that I'm not fighting anymore.

And then I did some stuff at Kinko's for anarqueso and antiochwhore.

Oh wow ... Peezy's here ... I didn't see him when I first came in. I'll have to go and say hi.

And I may as well open up Pandora's Box as long as I'm here:

Does everyone learn their patterns of love and comfort from whatever the most fucked up thing about their childhood was? My brother feels most comfortable when he's around the sick & the dying. I, apparently, will always choose to boil myself in a giant pot of crazy.

Man, I want a cigarette.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 8th, 2004 01:37 pm (UTC)
Don't Smoke. Think about reliving what it took to quit + giving that $50 carton to that guy who didn't say "thanks" (cartons are $50 here maybe more over there--geez!)

attacked by children? Sounds like something out of Willie Wonka
Jan. 8th, 2004 02:53 pm (UTC)

I had a funny feeling that I wouldn't see Matthu today, and, thus far, he's not materialized.

I did see zostrianos, though. He had soup.
Jan. 8th, 2004 04:24 pm (UTC)
Re: committment phobic
Childhood and relationships? Connections? Definitely. Don'tcha know, Hope, I have an arsehole magnet attached to my forehead so that they can find me better? Just in case there was any doubt that certain people might be totally unsuitable for me!
Jan. 9th, 2004 07:53 am (UTC)
Re: committment phobic
I used to have a red "M" magnet on my refrigerator to remind me to never, ever again date a man named Michael. Or Mike. Mike is worse than Michael.

I lost that magnet while I was living in Chicago. Maybe that's my problem.

Arsehole magnets? Michael magnets?
Jan. 8th, 2004 05:22 pm (UTC)
Yeah, the relationship thing is definitely related to the tragic childhood. I've been trying so hard to find a guy like my dad. But they all are!
Jan. 8th, 2004 08:41 pm (UTC)
Speaking as an Ex-Boyfriend...
Gee... I hope you're not generalizing about all of your ex's. If so
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Gee... I hope you're not generalizing about all of your ex's. If so <looks up at you with big, brown puppy dog eyes and sniffles>, I'm hurt. Mortally wounded even (I'm such a ham).
Some of us ex-boyfriends remember you fondly. I, for one, remember you as the girl that taught me how to kiss (I still remember our first , btw outside of the Museum on the parking lot side. Can you say, "hoover"? That was me). If this person can't see how you've enriched their life, then to hell with them. It's their loss!

Jan. 9th, 2004 07:54 am (UTC)
Re: Speaking as an Ex-Boyfriend...
You're as crazy as the rest of them, and you damn well know it too.

- H
Jan. 9th, 2004 08:06 am (UTC)
Re: Speaking as an Ex-Boyfriend...
What did you expect? We met in group therapy.
Jan. 9th, 2004 01:45 pm (UTC)
Re: Speaking as an Ex-Boyfriend...
Yes, well, there is that.
Jan. 9th, 2004 11:59 am (UTC)
Re: Speaking as an Ex-Boyfriend...
Umm... You meant that in a good sort of way? Didn't you?
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 9th, 2004 05:12 pm (UTC)
"Zaftig" is such a great word.
Jan. 10th, 2004 01:19 pm (UTC)
Personally, I'm partial to boys who wear glasses. And the taste of beer in someone else's mouth. Bonus points if their tongue is still cold.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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