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This letter is not getting written.

I've spent the past few days pondering writing a letter. Initially I had two letters to two different people in mind; the first was to Peezy, and I actually sent him an email that same night. No clue if he read it or not. I saw him today and he was in a mood, and it made me feel for everyone who has to deal with me when I'm in one of my depressed cycles. Don't get me wrong: I don't begrudge him his moods ... it was just frustrating, not knowing what to say or what to do. I hope I'm at least more communicative about what it is that I need.

And anyway, Eric got us all laughing with his rendition of Peezy sitting at home, crying and masturbating. It's one of those things that doesn't really translate well to the written word, but the gist was Eric pounding on the counter with his fist, while sobbing "why hasn't she called me?!?!?"

Ah Eric. Eric is one of my favorites. Eric had a remarkably crappy New Years which involved a four hour walk from Evans City to Cranberry. Yes, I said walk. And yet Eric, who seems to take just about everything in stride, seemed very nonplused by this turn of events. I like Eric's sense of calm. It's contagious.

So what to write? What to write? One of these days I'm going to find the thing that I need to do so that I can find some peace and move on. Is it this letter? Doubtful. Every so often I think I've reached that point of closure, and then I seem to find myself locked in my car and sobbing once again. I guess sometimes a person on situation just reaches inside your psyche and turns you inside out.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 5th, 2004 06:07 am (UTC)
RE: Closure.
Hope, if it makes you feel better, I have the same problem. I think I have moved on and there is closure there but then something will happen that will trigger a memory and I'll be all f*cked up emotionally again. I think I can such a waster somedays when it comes to dealing with my past. I did like the story about Peezy.
Jan. 5th, 2004 07:20 pm (UTC)
And then it did.
I wrote the letter tonight. It took about four hours (not counting the original draft that I wrote over the weekend) and six tries, but I finally ended up with a letter I was happy with. Less than a page long. Ending on a vaguely optimistic note (or, if not "optimistic," perhaps "actionable"). I was honest. I tried my damndest to avoid being manipulative or passive-aggressive. I tried to use "feeling words."

I don't know that it's giving me any feeling of closure, but at least the letter that I sent is a letter that I feel good about.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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