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More about the bitchy tape

I'm dubbing a copy of the bitchy tape for myself now. Printed out the new liner notes, with the new title. The old title was "Survival & Bliss," a line taken from the Alanis Morissette song "Precious Illusions." The names of both sides of the tape ("Who I'm Not" and "Who I Am") are taken from that song as well, and when I first envisioned the tape, I think I had a whole concept thing going on. It didn't turn out that way, and the tape got renamed "Drunk Enough" from Veruca Salt's "Disconnected" ("... finish the fairy tale that you were drunk enough to start ..."). I guess that happened because "Disconnected" was really speaking to me yesterday. Specifically, "... you will never have the chance to trace my features and you won't ever make me feel like such a loser ..." Trying to find that place of pissed-off-ness ... not even pissed-off-ness ... but that desire to fucking defend myself ... I had been pondering this idea all summer, and then somehow it just went right out the window. I need to learn how to defend myself. I need to learn how to stand up for myself. I need to learn how to not let other people make me feel like such a loser ...


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 30th, 2003 11:55 am (UTC)
Have you ever taken a self- defense class? They taught me how to lie to questions I didn't want to answer in mine-- good skill
Nov. 30th, 2003 04:35 pm (UTC)
Nope - never have. Always wanted to. I remember looking into "Model Mugging" or "IMPACT" (or whatever they were calling themselves at the time) when I was on co-op in DC about a million years ago ... you know, the class where a guy dressed up in this padded Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man suit and you beat the crap out of him until the teacher says to stop? I just remember it was either too expensive or there were no classes for a while or all the classes were full or something, but for some reason it was not doable. Perhaps I should reinvestigate it. I have been all about getting pumped and being strong (physically) lately - no smoking means now I swim for an hour and a half a day ... I still look like a fat hippie, but at least I'm starting to get swimmers' shoulders ...

I thought about you this morning when I dragged out my old copy of So You Want To Be A Lesbian? earlier this morning. You'd enjoy it. It's funny.
Nov. 30th, 2003 04:40 pm (UTC)

Nov. 30th, 2003 05:59 pm (UTC)
That's my X-g-friend, Debbie!
ha ha...I doubt it

yeah, Model Mugging is great...I never took it but I went to a friend's graduation where about 50 girls get to beat up the guy one by one and the crowd claps after each one. Expensive from what I remember, but watching 12 year olds floor two assailants or a guy with a knife is damn impressive.

I took mine a zillion years ago for $60 with two nice lesbians through the Women's building in San Francisco. It did help with social situations, not that I'm often grabbed from behind often, but just separating me from others intention.

Or what really helped me was creating a flexible energy shield with qigong (internal-oriented marshal art)...it sounds complicated but it's basically just being meditative and aware of one's body and mentally claiming space when alone--like swimming. A theater director showed me two very simple movements because when I was performing like every other week I took other's opinions sooooo personally-- if I heard an audience member whisper I'd get all distracted on-stage. Maybe catbirdgirl could explain it better, but somehow moving meditation makes people's opinions just roll off the ole back (well, sort of)
Dec. 4th, 2003 10:38 am (UTC)
Re: That's my X-g-friend, Debbie!
Ugh ... personal space in the swimming pool: don't even get me started.

The pool that I go to (the only public indoor pool in the entire city - Pittsburgh is so lame) has neither ropes nor lane lines painted on the bottom of the pool. There are lane numbers on one wall, and hooks where the ropes should be attached, so you pretty much wing it as far as where your lane ends and the lane next to you begins.

Somehow it seems like I always get a lane next to a man (why does it seems like it's always a man?) who has no awareness of other peoples' space. Specifically, why does it seem like every day I get a lane next to a man who either drifts from his lane into my lane, or else is a splasher ... can't swim unless he's kicking water all over everyone near him?

And it really does seem to be a problem with the men. What's that about?
Dec. 4th, 2003 01:10 pm (UTC)
Lane Rage
I've bumped up with a few people who have it-- scary! (yes, men, surprise, surprise)

no markers? that's ridiculous! In my new pool they have slow, medium, fast lanes and even post directions on passing people & how to know what lane you belong in.

I saw a woman tell a guy like a friendly suggestion, "ok, I'm going to swim over here (points) and how about you swimming over here (points)"...might only work with pool lines. It was hilarious and I've used it effectively. Some people are just not familiar with pool swimming or are bad swimmers so I try to give the benefit of the doubt.

In my old pool where I was "established" & talking was the norm, I'd occasionally give friendly suggestions like "I notice you don't use your legs much" or "Have you tried cupping your hands and getting a better pull"-- which of course means, "you bastard pool hog, share the water"

yeah, ok, sometimes women are incompetent too-- but I'm on para-transit now y'know and the majority of the incompetent drivers are men and then they are the only ones who are AGGRESSIVELY incompetent with almost a pride in being stupid and rude. Yeah, why is that?
Dec. 4th, 2003 06:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Lane Rage
I get lane rage in the pool. I'm not shy about kicking someone who ventures into my lane. It bugs me that I get so pissed off when people are being lane hogs, but, then again, I figure working out is probably a good space to be working out my aggression. Better to swim it off than to start swinging.
Dec. 4th, 2003 07:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Lane Rage
Ha! You'd drown me...oh my god...ha ha ha HA

But fair enough, perhaps rage only has a bad rep cuz it's often misapplied.

Queen of the Bitches (hee hee)
Dec. 4th, 2003 07:59 pm (UTC)
Re: Lane Rage
Well, not that I'm especially crowd that I resort to kicking people ... if I have the choice to move to another lane, I usually do, although more often than not, it seems like the obnoxious jerks follow me. Grrrr ...
Dec. 4th, 2003 09:02 am (UTC)
... and then I changed my mind again, this time about the cover of the tape. Orange Mike was rooting for the naked boys boxing, but, alas, they didn't photocopy well, so the new cover is my 1989-90 CG card. I think I'm done making changes now ...
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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