I did not try to kill myself.
First thing this morning, Opie decided he wanted to jump up on top of me. He missed. As he careened toward the floor, he reached out and grabbed for me, slicing open my left wrist. Yes, in a straight line. Yes, across the artery. No, not especially deep. It mostly just feels irritated when my bracelets rub against it. Nevertheless, I'm aware what it looks like.
So if you see me and you notice it, just remember: homicide attempt; not suicide attempt.