August 4th, 2007

Me pink

Insanity or Pictures?

Do you ever get the feeling like you're about to go completely insane? You know, shrieking at the top of your lungs, being dragged away by the men in white coats insane?

Oh well. Here are some pictures:

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* ♥
** Something was happening when I took these pictures -- I was upset about something, and may have possibly just finished writing a LJ post. Unfortunately, I've since forgotten the specifics, apart from the mood.
*** My Dad's brother and sister-in-law
**** And a terrible picture of all three of us
***** Who hates the piped-in music so much that he brough his own turntable to work with him.
****** Remember that creepy hairy pits fetish guy? Courtney was the object of his affection.
June 2007 (HBA)

Kava Krash.

I'm trying to remember a time in my life when I didn't feel like I was drowning. Seriously.

I seem to have bypassed calm and gone straight into comatose. I keep wanting to rest my head on the desk for about six hours. Except that I still want to kill people. Just, you know, slowly.

So yea ... a point in my life where things felt just generally OK ... um ... college? Sort of, at times, sure, but overall? Senior year of high school? Maybe, although I seem to remember plenty of drama then too -- it just looks prettier in hindsight. And I certainly don't remember having a moment's peace since Antioch -- maybe in those early, heady days with Douchetruck? Chicago was constant drama and trauma ... vulgarweed, Daryk, Bob, heroin ... Meh.

So if I've never been happy, how do I fix that? germane, are you out there? This seems like just the sort of post you'd have something to say about ...

Oh my stars, I have to go back to work ...
Antioch Reunion 2007 2

Mentally Ill.

I came home from work. I told eric I was feeling "mentally ill" and went home. Crashed (Tino tried to nap with me, but it was just too warm), got a two hour nap, and feel moderately better now.

I think mainly I just needed to not be there, to not be around him. The worst moment: walking up the ramp from the HBA Office and the produce pit, him, walking backwards, pulling a cart, and me, walking right behind him. And with me two feet away and directly in front of his face, he didn't look at me once. That blew. And it blew because when he'd arrived at work, he'd tried to say hi and I grumbled and blew him off, so I knew that he was just responding to my surly disposition.

I tried to fix it afterward -- walked by, gave him a little pat with my water bottle, something to say "hey -- we can be civil," but I felt so hideously ill-equipped to be the grown up today that I ultimately decided I needed to walk away.

Plus, when I was sitting at the CS Desk, Bill came over and gave me a hug and I started crying. He asked what was wrong and, when I could finally speak, I told him I'd taken too much kava. He picked up the bottle, read the phrase "promotes a sense of wellbeing," and took them away from me.

It was time to go home.