December 26th, 2005

Me pink

(no subject)

So I finally managed to give lilostitch her super special secret holiday present today ... I couldn't believe I had it with me all day yesterday and totally forgot to give it to her.

Today's been remarkably slow at The Co-op and I really hope that next Monday is as well so that I'll maybe be able to leave early for Rob's show.

I plan to write a whole huge thing about smoking, but I suspect that'll have to wait until I get home because, um, I'm gonna go smoke now. D'oh ...
33rd birthday

the smoking rant I promised you earlier

I'm quitting smoking again. I know you're probably fed up with hearing it already. I know I'm getting pretty annoyed with myself for doing this again and again.

I've been feeling very much the way that I felt in the final days of my cocaine years. I'm playing all the same games. Rationing out cigarettes so I'll have enough for the night. Quitting, then picking up, then quitting again. It's not who I want to be. It's not what I want to be doing with my brain.

So in the interest of remembering what the fuck this all means, I wanted to write a list of the shit that SUCKS about smoking.

Let's start with ... oh, geez, so many choices ... where to start? Well, I certainly don't love handing over my hard-earned money to gargantuan corporations whose only contribution to the world is making and distributing a product that kills millions of people. Then there's the way that I stink after smoking. The near-constant sore throat. The chest pains, which are twice as brutal when the weather's cold.

I know that smoking fucks with my already-iffy blood pressure. I remember how much more cash I have in my pockets when I'm not smoking. I also remember that I feel calmer and just generally happier when I'm a non-smoker. It makes me feel proud of myself when I've got some smoke-free time under my belt, and it makes me feel crappy, now, to look at all of those fucking quitmeters that I've posted in the past and think about how much time I would have if I hadn't been stupid enough to start up again.

So, yea, I'm giving it yet another try.

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