September 18th, 2004

Me pink

(no subject)

Nobody is around and I need to talk.

Everybody's life appears to be in total shambles right now. I'm holding big secrets for one, two, now three people and counting. And in a way, it's OK -- I keep telling myself that if that's the only useful thing I can do, then goddamnit, that's what I'm gonna do.

And I was struck today by the notion that those things which people keep secret are the very things that could connect us all as humans. The shame, the embarrassment ... I feel it, I understand it, but it seems like it's just another aspect that keeps us all isolated.

I read something today:

"The outcome of a challenging or disappointing or horrifying situation depends on how you use it."

Am I using these crises to my advantage? Am I using them to find the core of myself, to find what it is I keep running away from? Or am I going to do what I always do and get drunk, get high, smoke, eat, and hide under the covers and hope that it all just goes away?