January 4th, 2004

Me pink

A less skanky update

This year keeps getting stranger and stranger. Yesterday I went to check my email while I was at Quiet Storm and I had a message waiting from BRIAN FEE! Now, this may not be shocking to anyone else, but I've been searching for him for at least 5 years ... he's one of those friends that I misplaced somewhere along the way and never quite managed to relocate. I just ... wow. I was pounding the counter top and hollering and I explained to Lynn why I was so excited, but really, there were just no words to explain. Brian fucking Fee. Hallelujah.

I was also hoping to see Matthu, and of course as I was thinking that, he immediately walked in. He's a very strange boy. Everything that comes out of his mouth seems stranger than the thing before it. And perhaps the oddest thing about this is that he really reminds me of someone. It simply must be someone from Antioch. There's no other explanation.

In other random news, m00nshadow sent me the world's funniest holiday gift. I opened it in the hallway of my building and literally fell to the floor laughing. I want to post a picture of it rather than explaining what it is. Suffice to say, it is, among other things, a thorough thumbing of the nose to He Who Shall Remain Nameless.

Which is another sore subject du jour. I've been randomly weeping again. It prompted an oddly emotional email to Peezy (which is fine, as Peezy can be oddly emotional himself), but what's really been brewing is another one of my little missives to H.W.S.R.N. I can't keep going on like this. I feel so emotionally raw, and it just seems so neverending. When ... when? ... when am I going to be over this?

So I'm off to Quiet Storm to brunch and to ponder these things which I have set before you. Brunching companions are welcome. Advice is welcome.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Me pink

This letter is not getting written.

I've spent the past few days pondering writing a letter. Initially I had two letters to two different people in mind; the first was to Peezy, and I actually sent him an email that same night. No clue if he read it or not. I saw him today and he was in a mood, and it made me feel for everyone who has to deal with me when I'm in one of my depressed cycles. Don't get me wrong: I don't begrudge him his moods ... it was just frustrating, not knowing what to say or what to do. I hope I'm at least more communicative about what it is that I need.

And anyway, Eric got us all laughing with his rendition of Peezy sitting at home, crying and masturbating. It's one of those things that doesn't really translate well to the written word, but the gist was Eric pounding on the counter with his fist, while sobbing "why hasn't she called me?!?!?"

Ah Eric. Eric is one of my favorites. Eric had a remarkably crappy New Years which involved a four hour walk from Evans City to Cranberry. Yes, I said walk. And yet Eric, who seems to take just about everything in stride, seemed very nonplused by this turn of events. I like Eric's sense of calm. It's contagious.

So what to write? What to write? One of these days I'm going to find the thing that I need to do so that I can find some peace and move on. Is it this letter? Doubtful. Every so often I think I've reached that point of closure, and then I seem to find myself locked in my car and sobbing once again. I guess sometimes a person on situation just reaches inside your psyche and turns you inside out.