Hopita (hopita) wrote,
Hopita
hopita

Flashback

For the past week or two, I've been reading Augusten Burrgoughs' memoir Running with Scissors. One of the unexpected treats of this book for me has been that there is a character in it named Hope.

I look for similarities. Her long, thick hair (even though hers is black). Her funky jewelry. Some description of her carrying too many bags.

So I just sat down to read again. In the chapter that I started reading, Hope and one of her sisters are having a fight. And her sister, Natalie, hurls an insult at her: "Hope the dope."

I can't tell you how many times this particular insult was thrown at me when I was a kid. I remember it all throughout grade school. I remember the way it stabbed at me, each and every time. I do not enjoy to be reminded of that.

It always felt so personal and direct, like something that only the kids at my school could come up with to say to me. It's weird seeing it in a book; how did this guy know about that insult? It seemed so original to the kids I went to school with, when of course it was not.

Triggers, eh? Fuck. I hate being called names.
Tags: books, childhood memories, me, namecalling
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