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Flashback

For the past week or two, I've been reading Augusten Burrgoughs' memoir Running with Scissors. One of the unexpected treats of this book for me has been that there is a character in it named Hope.

I look for similarities. Her long, thick hair (even though hers is black). Her funky jewelry. Some description of her carrying too many bags.

So I just sat down to read again. In the chapter that I started reading, Hope and one of her sisters are having a fight. And her sister, Natalie, hurls an insult at her: "Hope the dope."

I can't tell you how many times this particular insult was thrown at me when I was a kid. I remember it all throughout grade school. I remember the way it stabbed at me, each and every time. I do not enjoy to be reminded of that.

It always felt so personal and direct, like something that only the kids at my school could come up with to say to me. It's weird seeing it in a book; how did this guy know about that insult? It seemed so original to the kids I went to school with, when of course it was not.

Triggers, eh? Fuck. I hate being called names.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
hopita
Jul. 2nd, 2006 08:08 pm (UTC)
I keep looking at his photo on the back cover, searching for some glimmer of "I was raised by wolves" in his eyes. It's definitely there.
suewan
Jul. 3rd, 2006 09:21 am (UTC)
Oh, my word. I was constantly teased and bullied as a child. I was always the geeky one with the glasses. Ugh. Childhood memories just bite at times.
hopita
Jul. 3rd, 2006 04:15 pm (UTC)
I had glasses, braces, you name it. Tho the glasses never much bothered me -- still don't. It was less the physical stuff and more the personal stuff that got me down ... I never really learned how to be properly social, make friends, interact with other humans. And then came glorious Antioch. That place was full of people like us.
suewan
Jul. 3rd, 2006 05:02 pm (UTC)
It sure was. It was like a breath of fresh air in so many ways. I still miss Yellow Springs terribly to this day. I was so envious of you going to yet another reunion. It bet it was hot there, huh? It was always so hot there at the end of Spring quarter.
hopita
Jul. 3rd, 2006 06:22 pm (UTC)
If I get elected to the Alumni Board, I'll be attending three meetings a year in Yellow Springs (the third one being during reunion). This is a big selling point for me.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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