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Reality.

So I saw Gayle today. The things I was prepared for (the physical symptoms) were not as bad as I'd feared. The things I was not prepared for (the mental symptoms) were far, far worse than I'd imagined.

She has no sense of her surroundings. None. She told me I looked a lot like Hope, and later offered me a job working with the tin animals (I think she meant stuffed animals, but either way). She couldn't remember the word "sock." She asked my Mother if she had upholstered the lounge area, then said she didn't like the fact that the sofas were all covered with food.

The list goes on and on.

I had been led to believe that she had moments of lucidity alternating with moments of confusion. What I saw today was all confusion, all the time. And I also saw other CJD symptoms today that no one had mentioned before ... troubling finding words, trouble speaking clearly, twitching, shaking ...

Blech. This year is kicking my goddamn motherfucking ass, and it needs to cut it the fuck out already. I've fucking had it with this bullshit.

At any rate, I'm on my dinner break now, so I'm gonna quit writing so I can go outside and get started on that chainsmoking thing.

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( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
divinetailor
Jun. 13th, 2006 03:11 am (UTC)
wow, that is pretty scary. it sounds like your family might have not noticed things they didn't want to accept.

i'm really sorry this is happening to someone you love. i see how much it hurts.

*hug*
hopita
Jun. 13th, 2006 03:23 am (UTC)
It's alarming how fast this has all happened (which is yet another sign of CJD). I keep thinking about that night that we all went out to dinner last summer, and how she was her usual charming self. Even when I last talked to her on the phone (probably on my birthday, in late November), she was funny and laughing and, you know, Gayle. Now she's like a confused little kid. It's overwhelming.
nirbhao
Jun. 13th, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC)
(a million hugs)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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