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OK, let's talk about smoking ...

Many of you know I had planned on trying to quit smoking again on May 1st. Most of you also know that that didn't happen. The long story short is that, while in breakup angst, I was buying cigarettes like prohibition was coming tomorrow, and when the end of April rolled around, I realized I still had a good dozen on so packs stuffed into my bags. Well, now I'm down to two. Two packs left. I usually do much better with quitting when I don't have smokes in the house, so I figured I'd smoke what I had left and be done with it. But now that I'm nearing the point of "done with it," I've got to admit, I'm getting scared.

I've done this before. I know how it goes. It totally sucks at first and then the sense of being glad to be done with it takes over. I'm trying very hard to remind myself of that. Because if I keep doing what I've been doing (namely not buying any more cigarettes), then it looks like I'm going to be quitting around the time that I head to bed tomorrow night. Only I don't care if I've done this a million times before: I'm still really fucking scared.

Other petty annoyances: it sounds like my muffler is about to fall off of my car. This really just started yesterday, and I called Al today, and he's going to fix it next Friday. But I also know that between now and then it is going to get worse, and I don't heart the idea of driving around in a car that sounds like a motor boat. The nice thing, though, is that having to take my car to Al next Friday gave me the excuse I needed to cancel that gynecologist appointment yet again. It was scheduled for next Friday, and, while I feel more ready to deal with that than I did in March, I am still by no means there yet. Now it's rescheduled for October. If I can't handle it by then, then something's really wrong.

And the bummer that only I will care about: I lost my "One Less Meat Eater" button today. Feh.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
nirbhao
May. 6th, 2006 01:33 am (UTC)
okay, so, I'm still smoking (bronchitis and all... ha ha I got menthols)... but I've been quit for up to six months at a time and what has really worked for me has been the "cut back" method. what I do is I halve the number of cigarettes I smoke in a day and I do that for maybe three or four days at a time. I smoke about 8 cigarettes a day, so for three days, I'll smoke 5, then 3, then 1. it works really well for cravings and breaking the habits.

just my 2¢
starfall18
May. 6th, 2006 01:50 am (UTC)
i've never really smoked, except for a brief period during which i didn't get adddicted and realized i was stupid for continuing, so i have no real advice except encouragement. i think life would be better without cigarettes, in terms of health and money, etc, etc. though really, i don't know anything about it. good luck!
suewan
May. 6th, 2006 07:47 am (UTC)
I miread that, Hope. I thought it said "One less man eater"...deary me.

Gynecologist visit? Is there something wrong, Hope? Or this just an annual visit or check up or something?
hopita
May. 6th, 2006 02:48 pm (UTC)
Just an annual visit, but with two extra sucky bonuses: Number one, the gynecologist that I'd been seeing since I was fifteen quit the business last year, so I have to see somebody I don't know, and number two, after a major breakup, I'm just not into the idea of letting anyone touch me like that, even in a professional setting. So I've been avoiding.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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