I know that quitting smoking makes me an emotional wreck, and my commitment to quitting today is quickly wavering. I promise if I fuck it up, I'll keep trying. At least I always keep trying.

I wrote my last post, logged off, then went and cried. I thought about instant messaging -- the fact that, as a general rule, I hate doing instant messages, but that I did them with him on my breaks at work for a long while there. I think it was probably related to quitting smoking, actually, because I know that for the first several months that I worked there, I didn't even know that we could use the computers for personal use type stuff (this was before the computers in the break room existed). I think that I probably started using them on breaks when I was trying to break myself of the habit of going outside and sitting on the smokers' stoop during breaks. Now, of course, I usually do both.

But I remember those breaks, those IMs, with such fondness. I remember them as being funny -- that we would make each other laugh, and that I would look forward to those tiny little slices of contact. For what it's worth, it hasn't been like that in quite some time -- probably since the computers came into the break room, actually -- and I realize that I'm waxing nostalgic for something that I haven't even had in probably two months now, but ... yea.