Hopita (hopita) wrote,


I wanted to update my journal once again because I'm still pretty freaked out about yesterday. Today's thoughts are mostly along the lines of not wanting to die alone, not wanting to be like Richard Brautigan, who lay dead in his apartment for weeks and was only found because the neighbors started to notice the smell.

I know that I am loved. I know that there are people who care about me and who would be genuinely saddened if I died, as opposed to the weird mixture of guilt and disbelief that most people seem to be feeling about Gus. But damn it -- I want to be noticed. I want someone to notice if I don't get up from bed, I want someone to notice if I lay dead in my car for three hours.

Ugh. I fear I'm not explaining myself particularly well. I suppose what I'm feeling is isolated, and what I want to be feeling is included.
Tags: death, depression, gus, isolation, loneliness

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