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Today, at work, our General Manager died.

At work.

He left to go home early, got into his car, and died. He apparently sat in the parking lot for about three hours until someone finally found him, and by then, it was too late.

I ... I'm pretty weirded out. My brain is going to all kinds of places ... thoughts about his family, of course. Thoughts about mortality and ... well, basically, thoughts about using time wisely. Wondering what he would have chosen yesterday, last week, last month, had he know that today would be the end. What would I do differently? Would I even know where to begin?

And all of these thoughts are complicated by the fact that he was not a well-liked man. Yes, most folks didn't want him to keep working there, but certainly no one wished him harm. I remember my first year at Antioch, there was a woman who lived on my hall, and she was annoying as fuck. She was only my friend as long as I was giving her what she wanted -- letting her borrow my boots, mostly -- but as soon as I said no to her, that was it, I was shit. I was totally angry with her, and felt very used. But then that summer, she was killed in a car accident. It was such a strange feeling. She was the first peer of mine that I could remember who was dead, and I couldn't think of anything nice to say about her.

Ugh. So back to today. Today I had three cigarettes (all bummed -- not trying to open that particular can of worms right now) and have just generally been walking around in a daze ever since this whole thing happened. The first thing I needed upon arrival at Rob's house was a shower. I'm not sure if it helped, or even why I needed it.

Now he's at home, asleep, and I'm at my home, awake. I figure I'll try to crash soon, I just ... I don't know. I think I'm just going through this and wanted to share. Hopefully tomorrow life will feel less random and pointless.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
hopita
Nov. 4th, 2005 05:01 pm (UTC)
It ties back into so many things, like the whole Rob drama. Like why am I still with a man who clearly doesn't want to be with me? Like my string of non-relationships. And like the fact that I just don't fucking want to live alone anymore. I don't want to end up like Richard Brautigan, lying dead in my apartment for a week before someone finally notices the smell. It happened to my Aunt Betty too. She sytematically drove away everyone in her life ... friends, relatives, everyone. So when she finally died, she lay dead in her house for who knows how long until a gardener happened to find her. I don't want to die alone.
suewan
Nov. 4th, 2005 08:05 am (UTC)
Who was your roommate? I'm curious, a blonde woman springs to mind but I can't for the life of me remember her name. It doesn't matter, but heck, she was overbearing and I found her difficult, too. She slept with someone I was involved with and didn't give two shits. I remember then hearing about her death and feeling nothing. I'm sorry, Hope. That reads a bit insensitive, doesn't it? Take care and look after yourself. What a weird day!
hopita
Nov. 4th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
She wasn't my roommate -- she just lived on my hall. Her name was Stacy Goebel and yes, she was blonde, and yes, she was overbearing and difficult. Someone once told me about the way that someone (Bill Bernhard?) described her at some memorial service: that she always borrowed your stuff, but that she always gave it back. This is true -- I always did get my stuff back -- but if that's the best thing that you can say about a person then ... um, yea.
ratphooey
Nov. 4th, 2005 12:28 pm (UTC)
Wow.

Holy crap.

I'd have called in sick to work this week.
hopita
Nov. 4th, 2005 03:44 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm off today and tomorrow, though honestly, I'm really curious as to what's going to be happening there today. By the time I left last night, there was a huge sign taped to the time clock advising all employees to talk to their managers ASAP (just so the news could be broken).

Wow.
telephasic
Nov. 4th, 2005 01:13 pm (UTC)
Somebody I knew from my floor senior year of college was one of the people on one of the planes that hit the twin towers. The fact she was a republican bitch I never had a civil conversation with (she mostly just yelled at me to keep quiet) made it all the stranger.

What did ghe general manager look like?
hopita
Nov. 4th, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC)
Older, mostly bald, glasses, terrible teeth. I'm sure there will be news about it. Maybe not the mainsteam media, but in The Co-operator and on the website, certainly.
ookii_risu
Nov. 4th, 2005 03:35 pm (UTC)
What did he die from? Was it a heart attack? He probably felt sick or something so that's why he left early... ugh... *hugs*
hopita
Nov. 4th, 2005 05:03 pm (UTC)
Yea, that's about what we figure. We knew he had a heart condition, so, yea, we assume he probably didn't feel well and that's why decided to go home early. The irnoy is that if he'd stayed at work, he might have been saved.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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