Somewhere in this whole talk I started smoking again. Somewhere else in this whole talk I asked to spend the night. The answer was no. I'm smarting from that, at least a little bit. But the big sting brings me back to H.W.S.R.N. The big sting seems to be that I have, or had, stronger feelings than he does, or did, or both. Not a giant shock, at least from this vantage point of hindsight, but still new information.
I cried and begged not to bicker anymore. He cried too, but more over his ex than over me. I told him some of the things I'd held back on telling him at other times. He said I should have said something sooner, which I knew.
I told him I wanted to stay because I wanted to be held, and to feel safe. I don't think he really got that, or understood the why behind it.
I feel really fucking used up, and empty. I can't tell if I'm glad or not that I have the next two days off of work.