Hopita (hopita) wrote,
Hopita
hopita

The Talk

It's 2:00 in the morning and I'm home, again. I've been at his house for the past many hours, and we've talked a lot. I think I get where he's coming from, or, at the very least, understand some things that I was just not getting before. They're not things that make me happy, by the way.

Somewhere in this whole talk I started smoking again. Somewhere else in this whole talk I asked to spend the night. The answer was no. I'm smarting from that, at least a little bit. But the big sting brings me back to H.W.S.R.N. The big sting seems to be that I have, or had, stronger feelings than he does, or did, or both. Not a giant shock, at least from this vantage point of hindsight, but still new information.

I cried and begged not to bicker anymore. He cried too, but more over his ex than over me. I told him some of the things I'd held back on telling him at other times. He said I should have said something sooner, which I knew.

I told him I wanted to stay because I wanted to be held, and to feel safe. I don't think he really got that, or understood the why behind it.

I feel really fucking used up, and empty. I can't tell if I'm glad or not that I have the next two days off of work.
Tags: crying, fighting, loneliness, smoking, unixd0rk
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