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Rob-Free post #3

The day to day facts of life are getting to me.

Today, something happened at work. Something potentially good, future-wise. And something that Rob would totally appreciate, and understand, and everything else, were I, you know, allowed to email him. Which is not to say I disagree with lilostitch telling me that I'm not allowed to contact him yet ... it's only to say that I really wish that things were different.

Other things ... Allisyn said something that reminded me of how very close Halloween is, and I've been wondering about him and Halloween. We'd made all of these big plans together, costume-wise ... had been planning and talking for months. Now it's a week or two away, and I wonder if he'll still be doing anything at all, or if he'll take pictures, or what. Knowing him, I kind of suspect he'll stay home and skulk and do nothing, and that makes me sad.

Everything makes me sad.

I'm still holding true to my average of having to lock myself in the cash office once per work day to cry it all out. I'm also still terrified that he'll walk through those doors, but, more and more each day, I'm also really fucking hoping that he will.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
lilostitch
Oct. 17th, 2005 11:02 pm (UTC)
tell him on the day you picked. whichever it was. did you even tell me?
it's not like i'm telling you to never talk to him again. that would just be ridiculous, but sticking to the waiting period will make certain that things cool down a bit, and that you can clear your head.

time for me to play some kickball. bitches.
hopita
Oct. 18th, 2005 01:49 am (UTC)
I didn't tell you because I never actually picked a day. Don't suppose that means I can pick today, eh?

It could end up being Thursday. Thursday's the day I attend the first meeting related to said work thing. Or maybe Wednesday night, after work. I really would kind of like to tell him before, you know? (Well, I'd really kind of like to tell him now, but you already knew that).

But I did have one other plan, which I think is a good one: writing drafts in my journal -- my paper journal -- of what to write in that farschtinkeneh card, as well as, now, what to write about said work thing. That should at least keep me occupied for a bit, and help with the gathering of thoughts.
hopita
Oct. 18th, 2005 10:20 pm (UTC)
Update:

Turns out the first meeting is next Thursday, not this Thursday. I'll still probably send that email tomorrow night, though. I think my head will explode if I wait any longer.
lilostitch
Oct. 17th, 2005 11:03 pm (UTC)
ps- many congrats.
hopita
Oct. 18th, 2005 01:51 am (UTC)
Thanks. I'm kind of hesitant to talk about the future aspects of what this might all mean, as, you know, none of that is official yet. But I suppose the big thing for me is that this is the first thing that makes it kind of seem semi-official, if that makes any sense.

It was really cool. Allisyn was asking earlier if there was anything she could do to help, or make it better, and then without even realizing it, she did (by telling me about all of this).
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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