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Love

I'm home. I just spent the last hour standing outside, talking to n0thingman. Man, was I glad to see him. We had a long talk about a great many things, but the thing that seemed to strike the deepest chord with me was talk about the unconscionable ways that people can sometimes treat each other, and my just general lack of understanding as to how people can be that way. Parents to their children especially.

I was somewhat late in my arrival to meet him because I drove Guitar Joe home from work. Tomorrow will be his last day at The Co-op, and I think it's only just begun to hit me how much I'm going to miss him. You know how you can work with people, and a lot of them you really like, but then one or two of them are just your favorites? Yea.

divinetailor wrote something today about the wonderful ways in which people can express their love. I've gotten some mighty powerful love these past few days, from her, from n0thingman, from lilostitch ... last night, Mothermoonbeam and AFRICArdo sat with me, and Mothermoonbeam reminded me that I was part of a community. That there were many arms that would gladly open to me, and many hearts as well. I'm beyond words at the kindness that has flowed from the people in my life. From my Mother's message on my answering machine, Debbie's hug at the end of her shift, and Coco returning from lunch with not one but six of those damn cupcakes. From each of you. From all of you.

I will never understand how a mother can abuse her son, but I will always be touched and heartened by the sheer power of people healing each other, and themselves. Amongst the horrors of life, there always seem to be these bountiful pockets of love.

Comments

lilostitch
Oct. 16th, 2005 04:56 am (UTC)
Wait, is Guitar Joe the cute cashier? There is some cute boy that works there whose name starts with "J" (but don't remember what comes after the J), and if he's leaving that would make me sad, too, because cute boys make shopping more fun.

It sounds like you're starting to feel a bit better, I hope that's the direction things are going.
hopita
Oct. 16th, 2005 01:57 pm (UTC)
I was actually pondering sending an email saying that I was more ready to talk (tho still not willing to fight). Haven't decided yet if I will or won't.

As for Guitar Joe, he's the shaggy haired guy with sideburns who sometimes has a beard and sometimes doesn't. He's really warm and wonderful and friendly (oh, and yes, single) and always made working fun.

There's still another Joe -- Coconut Joe -- who's thin and has short, dark, very close-cropped hair. Don't know if maybe you were thinking of him. He's the Joe from the party I wrote about last weekend, and he got hit by a car two days ago. He's OK, but his bike was not so lucky.
lilostitch
Oct. 16th, 2005 02:26 pm (UTC)
no email. period. it's too soon. give yourself a bit more time before you do that. i'm thinking like about 10 days. if you try to talk now, he's going to come into the discussion guns-a-blazin and ready for a showdown.
right now, you're too emotional and (if you're anything like me), you'll be all ready to compromise & sacrifice just to restore order. that might be a decent temporary patch, but it's toxic for you in the long run.

i think guitar joe is the joe i was thinking of. i think i saw him in the customer service corral when i came in (although i was more focused on giving you a hug & picking up some soy'gurt). he has a beard right now, right?
that makes me sad that he won't be there any more. cute boy cashiers make shopping more fun. and their presence inspires me to buy more stuff. so cute boys are good for the co-op as a whole. playing "solsbury hill" over the loudspeaker also makes me buy more stuff. seriously, if you stock up on the cute boy cashiers and play "solsbury hill" every time i need some groceries, i'd probably buy the whole store.
but we could have cooking festivities sometime and you could bring guitar joe along, and i wouldn't object.

sorry to hear about coconut joe's bicycle fatality, but good to hear he's ok.

i have an entire day of fucking memo's and briefs ahead. imma kill someone...i've sorta hit a dead spot in research and it's pissing me off. A@$#%$^^$#@#%^$^&YQ
hopita
Oct. 16th, 2005 02:39 pm (UTC)
Well, the feeling more able to talk thing probably stems, at least in part, from the getting my period thing (and at least having some of my physiological stress lifted). But yes, you are right that I'm likely to compromise and sacrifice just to restore order. But man ... restoring order just sounds like such a good idea, you know?

Guitar Joe did in fact have a beard yesterday, though today is anyone's guess.

I think I came back online to write a post about when I broke up with Daryk. I think I really came online because I don't need to leave for work for like three more hours, and have no clue what the fuck to do with myself. I've been reading Charlotte's Web (thank you, AFRICArdo!), but it keeps making me cry, so I've only been able to read it a little bit at a time.
lilostitch
Oct. 16th, 2005 02:49 pm (UTC)
restoring order is good LATER. not now.
Charlotte's Web is amazing, but it's very likely to make you cry even more. I have an entire closet of books (i'd say about 40% of them are kids books) that you are welcome to borrow, should you ever need something fun to read :) although some of them are in german so that wouldn't help you much...
the Ramona Quimby books are always fun & lighthearted. I have Ramona Quimby, Age 8 at the very front of my closet...and I'm pretty sure i have Beezus and Ramona somewhere, but that could be at the back, and it's a reasonably deep closet.

since you don't know what to do with yourself, you should go for a walk. it's really nice outside. alternately, you could buy me lots of halloween candy.
speaking of halloween, i got the final elements of my costume together. it's hot.

hopita
Oct. 16th, 2005 03:04 pm (UTC)
I actually have a pseudo plan for when later should be.

It seems I bought him a Halloween card a week or so ago (one we sell at The Co-op -- remind me to point it out to you the next time you're in). I figured once the holiday got a bit closer, I'd send it (and, you know, say something inside). This also neatly solves the problem of what to do with the pictures of him from the roll of film that I picked up yesterday. They're cute. They're sweet. They're not something that I can look at right now.

I think I managed to get most of my Halloween costume ready on Friday, though I still have some work to do, including trimming a beard into an eyebrow. Know anyone who knows how to do shit like that? Because I'm afraid I'm gonna wreck $20 worth of fake beard.

I'd been thinking about Charlotte's Web for a while because of the spider on Rob's back porch and conversations we'd had surrounding him/her. When I went to AFRICArdo's bookstore the other night, I noticed another E.B. White Book (One Man's Meat, which I also bought), and asked AFRICArdo about Charlotte's Web. I was crying by the time I reached the second paragraph.
lilostitch
Oct. 16th, 2005 03:08 pm (UTC)
Kev feels left out that he didn't inspire you to read Charlotte's Web. At least will he inspire you to watch Arachnaphobia?

Halloween card sounds like a good idea. It's far enough away for you to collect your thoughts, and also give you enough time before you have to handle the pictures, etc.

I can probably help you with the trimming a beard into an eyebrow thing, but why didn't you just get a fake eyebrow? also, i don't know how work-intensive your costume is, but i have a sewing machine, should you need to use one.
hopita
Oct. 16th, 2005 03:11 pm (UTC)
I asked if they had eyebrows. They did not.

And that sentence sounds utterly ridiculous, standing there on its own. I think I shall leave it be.
hopita
Oct. 16th, 2005 03:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, but Kev will not be inspiring me to watch Arachnaphobia because I cannot handle that movie. Saw parts of it once, and parts were plenty.
hopita
Oct. 16th, 2005 03:06 pm (UTC)
Oh, and I wrote the Daryk post.

And emailed a link to Daryk, and to John as well.

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