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I feel a little bit like I'm losing my mind right now.

At some point, yesterday at work ... oh, I don't even know how to describe it. It's like I lost my ability to deal with reality, so I just stopped ... started acting and believing that everything was fine, normal, whatever. And this actually worked pretty well ... got me through the day in a functional manner ... until I tried to sleep last night. And then reality started seeping into my brain and ... ugh.

But I took some melatonin and that worked and I went to sleep. Had still more work-related dreams -- I seem to remember the phrase "paper or plastic?" figuring prominently in my head last night -- until now.

Now I'm awake, and not smoking, and, for starters, can't seem to stop crying. I literally feel like I'm sliding off my trolley tracks. Like I've gone from denial to reality and slid right past that place and over the deep end. I think I'm gonna throw up.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
ratphooey
Sep. 22nd, 2005 02:32 pm (UTC)
Take some deep breaths. Throw up if you need to. Sometimes you feel better afterward.
hopita
Sep. 22nd, 2005 03:06 pm (UTC)
Something's gonna happen, something's gonna happen ... either this whole mess will break, or else I will, but something's gonna happen ...
xtremedykeopunk
Sep. 22nd, 2005 03:52 pm (UTC)
Heya,

yeah, that quitting smoking! yeah, for you! the tears seem right on the edge - throwing up sounds like a "nice" release. It *will* break, but don't try to fight it by straining.

If I didn't have this damn nicotene gum, I don't know how I could stay quit (and I'm barely there)...hang in there.

I'm finding if I sometimes take 3mg melatonin & put myself to sleep before the mental monkeys hit in the evening & just let myself sleep it helps
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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