At some point, yesterday at work ... oh, I don't even know how to describe it. It's like I lost my ability to deal with reality, so I just stopped ... started acting and believing that everything was fine, normal, whatever. And this actually worked pretty well ... got me through the day in a functional manner ... until I tried to sleep last night. And then reality started seeping into my brain and ... ugh.
But I took some melatonin and that worked and I went to sleep. Had still more work-related dreams -- I seem to remember the phrase "paper or plastic?" figuring prominently in my head last night -- until now.
Now I'm awake, and not smoking, and, for starters, can't seem to stop crying. I literally feel like I'm sliding off my trolley tracks. Like I've gone from denial to reality and slid right past that place and over the deep end. I think I'm gonna throw up.