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A question for my queer friends

Hey all. I have a queer etiquette question.

I have a friend ... someone I was out of touch with for a long time, who now got back in touch with me and, within minutes, told me he's coming out of the closet as transsexual and is taking the hormone pills.

So here's the question: What do I do with my pronouns? If he's on the pills, should I be saying she's on the pills? Do I wait for my friend to tell me "um, could you please stop calling me 'Mister'..."? Obviously, there will be a name change involved; do I wait until he says "you should call me [female name] now" to change my use of pronouns?

Where's a queer Miss Manners when you need one?

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
ratphooey
Oct. 14th, 2003 04:36 pm (UTC)
What about just asking? I would imagine he/she would be glad of your interest/concern.

Or, if you want, I can ask one of the people I know in the same situation what they would have preferred.
bishopjoey
Oct. 15th, 2003 01:06 am (UTC)
One of my bestest is an FTM - took me ages to change the pronoun (and I still fuck up sometimes), but he preferred from day one to be a boy. Indeed the first person to respond to this post has it right - just ask. It's not at all rude to be direct, especially as the friend was direct with you.
hopita
Oct. 15th, 2003 04:17 am (UTC)
Re: "the first person to respond"

Introductions are in order.

Joe, Shani. Shani, Joe.

I know Shani from Junior High. I met Joe on the bus to Cairo. You're both people I've known since the 1980s.
catbirdgirl
Oct. 31st, 2003 02:22 pm (UTC)
the same person got in touch with me, and I asked them, and they didn't write back (I'm assuming it's the same person). So if you hear from them, tell them to write me back!
hopita
Oct. 31st, 2003 05:40 pm (UTC)
It seems pretty likely that it is the same person, and they owe me an email as well. I suspect s/he got swamped with writing to so many old friends all at one time, and then having us all respond. If I haven't heard anything by next week-ish, I may email again. I'll keep you posted.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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