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Mid-Morning Update.

I talked to my Mom for a while. Some about aaronbenedict, some just about me, and her, and us, and life in general. I've considered myself lucky for a long time that I have a mother that I like so much. Everyone who knows her seems to like her too.

And in her am-I-a-psychologist-or-am-I-a-psychic spooky sorta way, she said she thought something was wrong and had been wrong for a month or so. She based this solely on the fact that aaronbenedict and I didn't have our next travel plans firmed up -- she said in the past, we'd always done that as soon as we'd said goodbye.

For the record, I'd talked to him about his last two trips, and he swears that it was circumstance and not intention that kept him from inviting me along.

Normally at this time I'd be heading for the pool, but, as luck would have it, this is the last week of outdoor pools -- the week when the pool schedule gets totally fucked and, bottom line, I can't go.

So instead I'll just chainsmoke. Yes, it's still just the herbal ones.

My Mom doesn't think I'll ever get married.

I'm scared to see Dan. I know he, like Sprout, like my Mom, was worried from the beginning that I was going to get hurt. Sprout once said that he and Dan were really happy for me -- that I'd been "glowing" was I believe the way he phrased it -- but that they were still concerned that aaronbenedict wouldn't leave his wife.

It's gonna be hard to talk to Dan. He's gonna say things I don't want to hear.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
ratphooey
Aug. 31st, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
Is getting married the goal? Or is it being happy? Because you can be happy without being married.

Maybe the next step, once you've caught your breath and recovered from this, is to look at your life and make it what you want it to be, guy or no guy.
hopita
Sep. 1st, 2009 10:15 am (UTC)
Is getting married the goal? Or is it being happy?

Ideally it would be a cross between the two.

And I have to say, it sure would be nice to get asked at least once. aaronbenedict was the only man that I ever seriously discussed the possibility with.
ratphooey
Sep. 1st, 2009 10:48 am (UTC)
I think it's easy for married men to talk about marriage.

The only man I'd ever seriously discussed marriage with, before my husband, was MY married man.

In hindsight, I wonder how serious those discussions were. Since he was already married.
hopita
Sep. 1st, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
I knew ours were somewhat serious, at least because he was clear that he would not be ready to get married again right away.

Aside from aaronbenedict there was Steven, who, after we broke up, said that he had been thinking of asking me to marry him (bullet dodged there, but that's another story). The only other one who talked about it was Chim Chim, but we were 17 (me) and 20 (him) at the time.

I suspect it mostly has to do with the fact that I've dated an awful lot of people who didn't actually like me very much.
(Deleted comment)
ratphooey
Sep. 1st, 2009 10:48 am (UTC)
The above? YES.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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