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Update.

I talked with ratphooey. I talked with Elizabeth, my old friend from Facets (who I haven't talked to since I left Chicago, in 1996). I talked with n0thingman. I ate some food. I watched some TV. I smoked a bunch of cigarettes, though I stuck with the herbal, tobacco-free ones.

And every time I give myself a second to think, all I can think is "how could he?"

I really believed that he would never knowingly do anything to hurt me. I thought he would be there to comfort me, and defend me (though I can remember at least one moment in recent history where I really wanted him to stand up for me and he totally backed down instead). How could I be so wrong?

Six days a week for the past year, I've woken up with a phone call from aaronbenedict. I can't even imagine how weird it will be to wake up truly alone tomorrow.

I can't believe this is happening. He's been thinking about this for a month and a half now and somehow I had no clue. I'm such a fucking idiot.

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